Dear diary,

Where do I even begin??? I’m an addict!! No matter how many times I say it, it still doesn’t seem real. How the hell did I get here??? All I ever wanted was to be OK. To be loved!! To just be a regular person. So after 17 years using I got clean not by choice!! After overdosing and my mom turning me in ( that’s a story by its self), prison and 9 years clean I thought I had it all figured out!! That’s when I relapsed!! God I feel like such a failure. FML!!! How is it so easy for everyone else to keep their shit together!!?? I never thought I would be one of those people who struggled to get out of bed. I just want to get ready to leave the house without having a panic attack. I’m gonna make it I know I can!! I feel like my brain hates me. Like I’m my own assassin !! So today my goal will be to ok with me to see in myself what others see. I will let you know how that goes.

April 27, 2019 @ 12:10 a.m.